14! Getting there...

"Lost all five teeth, gained four strong and bright ones, in addition to all the amazing things you accomplished in your last year, brought me more joy than anything I could have ever imagined... Sigh! Hasn't your love for LEGO grown stronger? I have seen you develop those UNO skills, play those magnet games, and look for far-away lands and possibilities on a globe.

 

I wrote this when you turned seven, and woah! Just like that, you are fourteen today. Ready to rock ninth grade this year... all so crazy for 3,000+ piece LEGOs and video games... You have turned into a joyful, complex, and kind young girl. And while I know that your PAPA and I have had an influence, what you have become is your own spark!

 

Ilvikaa, when you sleep and curl up into a ball by our side on some nights, I see the same bundle that was handed to me in 2011—in a flash, so young and yet not! There were so many of us going crazy over you! We were all "aww-ing" and "ooh-ing" over your joyous little cherubic face. From a balmy spring morning in India to here—across the globe... you have been with us on journeys that have only taught us better.

 

In these fourteen years, I have become a better person with you. As a woman, as a daughter, and as a mom—I keep reminiscing about all the things I missed learning when I was growing up. At times, I get intimidated when you are so determined, and things are not going my way. But hey... I have seen this world 30 times more than you have—you will eventually realize that I was right all along. Your independence, the persistence to not “do as you’re told,” but rather to do as you feel, often overwhelms me. Your little head—so definite about what you need—uff! I want order and control, and you are so far from that. I see that you like to make your own errors. The world is changing so fast, and I want to protect you.

 

Finally, I didn’t know what I know now. It seems like you have started to need me less now... and it's because your internal compass is never off. You came into this world a whole, complete, perfect person—not looking for someone to give you direction but rather for someone to bear witness to your fullest expression. I see that now. Thank you for being patient with me.

 

Now that you will understand, I want to share that when I turned fourteen, it was years ago, and it was a boring year. Honestly, I don't have any key memories to pinpoint my experiences, discoveries, or anything remotely tangible—just distant, hazy memories bundled away in time. But you are in a magical spot. Given the life expectancy these days, you have at least 80 more years ahead of you, and you have 14 gone by that you do not remember—much of it! So, make the best of the times to come. The future is wide open. You will often hear us, and other elders say, "live life to the fullest today—live in the moment." Youth shouldn’t be taken lightly, and we speak from a place of relevance and, at times, regret. There is newness and potential wrapped up in every experience for you, so just go ahead and live it!

Your love for music, Legos, math, and politics will bring you many experiences. You’ll discover fashion and so much more! Find your tribe—connect with them. Stay true to your passions and truthful to your friends. Listen to connect, not react. Use this as a “Go Time,” love, with your heart open, and I will be there to give you a ride back home!

 

As I watch you bloom every year into this strong headed, extraordinarily independent, brave, curious, and outspoken young girl, I couldn’t be prouder of who you are. When I saw those qualities in you while you were younger, I was sure of how they would serve you in the future. When people make comments about teens like "just wait..." or "Good luck, she’s a teen..." and perceive teens as moody or catty, I wish to tell them that these are BIG FEELINGS, and they will be part of how you shape up in the future. On days when you dislike us, hate the system, or get jittery about squabbles at school, I want to remind you that all this is part of growing up—just that, I need to be reminded of it more often!

Always remember, there is only one person that needs an answer from you, and that is—YOU! Stay truthful to yourself. Never apologize for being yourself. Becoming or unbecoming—who you are—is meant to be! Trust your inner gut and take a leap. Neither your PAPA nor I grew up in a day, so experience your growth on your own terms.
It will get exhilarating, lonely, amazing, and heartbreaking... at different times and all at the same time too; but riding those waves will get you far!

 

Most things may seem significant now; however, it is all just fleeting! They will serve their purposes in time and on occasion, but that is the nature of time, isn’t it? Slow for us to savor, and fast enough to appreciate its agility and sacredness. Witnessing—together.

This year marks yet another chapter of great things to come; it’s as if we are all on the cusp of a not-so-distant future. I am not going to give you any advice—not anything grandiose, and no list of pointers. Remember, neither my love for you is based on how you behave, how clean your room is, nor do I care if you are an 'A' student or win competitions. My only promise is to stand by you, always! Unwavering. Constant. Like the sun."

 

13! it is

Hey, as tradition goes… and I sit down to write this letter for you, I realize that today is the last day you will be 12! Didn't I call you my ‘lil Dozen’ just about yesterday?

It’s your birthday, and you will turn 13 years old. You will officially say goodbye to your childhood and will be considered a teenager.

I always wanted a daughter. When I was pregnant, and we went in for an ultrasound, I lay on the table, breathlessly waiting - I didn’t say a word, but I looked for signs on the technician’s face – ‘Boy or Girl’, and then heard the ultrasound technician say, “It looks like a healthy baby,” … and I roared at her afterwards… how could she call you “it”… and then Geney was coined – made from our genes!

The night before, I had cried and prayed, “It's OK if it’s a boy, God. But please let it be a girl…” Papa squeezed my hand because he knew you were the desire of my heart. My daughter.

Woah! I'll never forget the sound of your first cries, the feel of your tiny fingers wrapping around mine, or the way your eyes sparkled with curiosity as you took in the world around you for the very first time. In that moment, I knew that my life would never be the same again. Papa and I, from that day forward, made you the center of our universe, filling our lives with laughter, love, and endless wonder. It wasn’t your milestone alone, each milestone you reached, from your first smile to your first steps, filled us with pride and awe at the amazing little person you were becoming. That balmy morning of spring in Delhi, the family that awaited your arrival, those friends who stood by us… everything just keeps rushing back; You were Seven, Eight and Nine…. to me like a movie in flashback – I just need to close my eyes! ….

Lo and behold…. I open my eyes…. all of 13! 

My source of joy, my greatest adventure, and let’s accept - even my occasional source of crankiness. But oh, how I adore every facet of your beautiful, spirited personality. With the turn of this decade, you turned Ten; we knew there was lots that was brewing! Your determination, your passion, and yes, even your occasional mood swings, remind me of just how wonderfully unique you are. I have seen these virtues grow inside of you since you were Six. You're growing into such an incredible young woman, and I couldn't be prouder to be your parent.

It's a time of transition, of figuring out who you are and where you fit in the world. At 12, we still thought you were a kid! And, while there may be moments when you feel frustrated or uncertain, please know that I am always here for you, cheering you on every step of the way. You are strong, you are capable, and you are beautiful, inside and out. Never let anyone dim the light that shines so brightly within you. Embrace your quirks, your passions, and your unique perspective on the world, because they are what make you truly special.

This is also the time when there will be many firsts, and a variety of feelings! I want you to know that you are loved beyond measure, just as you are. Your worth and value extend far beyond any labels or categories. Just stay true to yourself, treat each day as a precious gift, filled with endless possibilities and opportunities for growth. Just have fun!

On your 13th, I am not going to give any advice to you, but with the world some 13 things that I have reflected over a period of time:

1. Your bravery: I love how brave and clear in your mind, are you! You can stand up for what you believe in, even if it's unpopular! Trust me … not many can fathom even the thought!
2. Your intelligence: Every parent loves a great PTM at school! And do I love attending them… Boy oh boy! Even the Janitor has the nicest things to say about you…
3. Your humor: Let’s just say that it's double-edged! Sometimes I want you to enjoy it than “tongue in cheek”
4. You are forgiving: I love your magnanimous heart!
5. Your curiosity: This will take you places!
6. Your strength: I have always loved and appreciated how you have endured the changes while growing up!
7. Your open-mindedness: Gawd! The things you know at 13? And the acceptance … Kudos!
8. Your passion: The things you believe in! Please pursue them with zeal and dedication – it will keep you driven.
9. Your Sense-of-Justice: It is unbelievable how you can draw lines for things you believe in… it ruffles my feathers a few times!
10. Your Creativity: You get that from me 
11. You are Feisty: But why? I love it sometimes – but hey, use that outside, not with us! We are getting old :-P
12. Your Trust: It's hard, but I am glad that you tread carefully.
13. Chase your dream: Stay driven by hope and ambition!

You want to hang out with your friends, from this birthday, exclusively! As hard as it is for me not to worry about you when you are out of my sight, I am going to let you go. This is uncharted territory for both of us. I know that we are doing things differently this year; maybe it marks the start of new learnings.

With some age and experience on my side, and a few new silvers in hair, I assure you that the next few years will fly by, so make the best of it, until it lasts! There’s so much more that I want to say, I want to write, and I want to share on the eve of your turning thirteen. But I know that you’ll simply have to live life and learn from your own experiences. This year and forever, Papa and I are always going to be with you! Happy birthday, my sweet, strong girl. 

A dozen years old!

My heart bounces out of my body as I prep myself for a to-be-teen’s mom! Four thousand, three hundred and eighty-three days ago, you laughed your way into our lives, changing them forever. Making our days bigger, brighter; warming our hearts and adding a purpose to our living.

But trust me, being your mom has been the hardest and also the easiest job for me in the entire world – all at the same time! I had no instruction manual and I fear if I am doing the right thing or not. I worked very hard to build a loving relationship with you – built on respect and trust because love is a given. And I am confident that whenever you find anything tough, you will come to me and share.

Your story started off as a prayer, a prayer that was answered! I still remember the day before you were born, I had felt a little lethargy since morning and it only gave way to fatigue by dinner and at about 330AM we left for the hospital! We spent the whole morning ever so gently encouraging you to join us. And after 20+ hours of labor pains I had you in my arms. We were teary eyed, filling up the room with bliss and triumph. I loved the part when you dint cry too much, just about enough to clear your lungs out. And then, you had settled in well as if you had known me… Forever!

A dozen years and I have memories to this day... your soft coos, your beautiful smiles, my nights of feeding and soothing you... your incessant colic cries... the squeals, those tender touches as if they were offerings of love... I have carefully hidden them all in my heart. When I think back about the dozen years gone by, I think about the resilience, determination and how you overcame most hardships that came your way. Just like I used to caress your face while you slept as a baby, my heart still pulls towards you after you have slept, every night… I wake you sometimes... but I love how I am able to hold you for just a little longer!

Ever since you started to become this effortless tween, I have missed your wit, your goofy retorts, those were charming in their own way. I only wish to tell you, how genuine and one of a kind those were… you are maturing and what’s maturing with you is your gift of independence, your inner beauty, your spirit to soar like the eagle; and its getting difficult for me to keep pace with that.

They say, children are like trees, they find roots and they keep growing and evolving. But I feel that in the last 12 years while we kept moving places and countries, you, my child not only found your own strong holdings, you became more majestic and beautiful!

Here are some 12 things that I love about you:

1. Your Love to read: It’s amazing how you can devour the books, children who take time out to read are gifted and can easily keep themselves engaged as busy adults.

2. You can go against the grain: I admire your strength to stand up for what you believe, I have seen it on a few occasions.

3. You exhibit joy: Your joy is infectious; it makes us all around you joyful.

4. Your laugh! I can’t get enough of it..

5. You are super loyal!

6. Your ability to make anything fun, just about anything.

7. You care! I still remember how you stayed up all night for the lost dog who showed up on our doorstep.

8. You are thoughtful.

9. You respect other people’s spaces.

10. You are strong-willed, it could borderline obstinacy and usually it is when I don’t like it.

11. You are resilient, and I think Legos help.

And that brings to your next quality...

12. You still love your Legos… yep, 10 years into them and still growing strong, how superbly passionate!

Ilvikaa, I am so proud to be your mother. I too have grown in the last 12 years, with you! I have learnt to love unconditionally! Your teachers have the nicest things to say about you and that fills our hearts with a confidence that a wonderful future awaits you. Every year, I feel there is so much that I can barely cover in a letter to you, as such – I will end by just stating that we are lucky to have you as ours, and ours’ only!

Love thy worth!

The Great American Poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Well Indeed! These eminent personalities have blazed a trail! – To name a few, The US Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, The PepsiCo CEO, Indira Nooyi, Yahoo CEO, Marissa Mayer, The German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and not to forget the legendary Margaret Thatcher, have shown the world what women can achieve.

 

The gender imbalances are well and truly a thing of the past as increasingly more women are breaking into the inner echelons of the corporate boardrooms and are stealing a march over men in all areas of work life. 

 

As CJ Walker of the ‘Walker Cosmetics line’ fame says, “There is no royal flower-strewn path to success. And if there is, I have not found it for if I have accomplished anything in life it is because I have been willing to work hard.” 

 

You truly epitomize the spirit as so beautifully put forth by CJ Walker. Being the torchbearers for the modern urban educated women, you are in a unique position to create an ultimate successful and fulfilling life for yourself and for the people who depend on you - friends, family, co-workers, and even line managers. It goes without saying that you will succeed to deliver on both the fronts.

 

One of the great challenges of a modern day corporate life is maintaining a harmonious work life balance. The challenges multiply manifold for an urban, modern and educated women like you, as you not only take care of your family but also manage work efficiently and effectively. How do you strike the right balance without compromising on the demands of both family and work life?

 

The answer lies in constantly making efforts to develop both professionally and personally as both go hand in hand and feed each other helping you overcome challenges at workplace and personal life. The traditional or classical school of learning regards personal development as a means to master professional front. In reality, it would not be a misnomer to say your professional life mirrors your personal life.

 

A few examples of element of personal development include having effective communication skills, having empathy; having a well-groomed personality, having self-confidence, and ability to manage emotions both at work and home.

 

These characteristics go a long way in developing your ability to cope up with the demands of a professional world. However, a failure to develop these personal characteristics tends to affect you on professional front too. You cannot wear a sneaker on one foot and a stiletto on the other! - You will not be able to walk. Ignoring one set of skills for the other is just the same, both feet are part of the same structure and complement each other.

 

 

If you ever feel your work life balance is getting affected, take a step back - double check, and consider the following:

·  Are you able to manage emotions at work?

·  Do you overreact at home or office?

·  Are you communicating effectively at work?

·  Are your disorganized at work and at home too?

·  Are you hitting a hilt at work but things are not moving at home?

You will soon realize that one things lead to the other. Personal dissatisfaction affects your professional life and vice versa. Therefore, it is important to recognize that a right mix of the triumvirate of success, recognition, and personal happiness will go a long way in mitigating a work life imbalance.

 

 

Oprah Winfrey says, “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.”  So put your best foot forward and seek greater heights and glory.

It is the triumvirate of recognition, success and happiness that will stand you a greater chance of diminishing imbalance. Let self-mastery rule you -   you will see that it counts everywhere.

You have proved your worth! Now it is time for Love thy Worth!

Super 11!

Super 11!

Remember, when you and I shared a heartbeat? Well, I’d love to tell you that I feel as though I’ve let that go, but I haven’t and I’m not sure I ever will. I clearly remember that I used to sit up at night feeling you move, imagining what my child be like. If I had written a letter to the universe with a list of what I wanted in my daughter, I assure that I have been granted every ask, every prayer! And… here comes that day when I cannot keep calm, every year these open letters are becoming harder to write. I wonder how will I write to you when you turn 18  and preparing for the first year of your college! (I choke as typed that..) Cannot fathom a time when I will be an empty nester and you will be out there on your own exploring a whole new world! 

I mean….I can still picture you that spring morning to the very minute you were born, as well as the joy I experienced for both of us. Since then, the advent of spring year on year hasn’t been any less special. Can you believe that 11 years ago I held you in my arms for the first time and looked deeply into your big, beautiful brown eyes. And today, officially a “tween” on this birthday, in between childhood and teenage years, I look into those same eyes and see love, that has only grown since the day I first saw you. As a mother it is tough for me to capture the myriad of feelings I have as you turn another year older. On one hand, I reminisce about early years and mourn growing up as we all do, trust me - its no fun! On the other hand, I am so thankful for exactly where you are and so hopeful for who you will become.

For me there are mental pictures of that round lil nose, the sweet toothless grin and the curly soft hair and how they are replaced by shiny curious looks, mature and moody smiles and straight black shiny hair!  Your funny faces and eye-crossing is uniquely yours, but I can see the teenager simmering beneath the surface. Your goofy ways often gives way to a young girl. The final days of elementary school are giving way to a middle schooler and new possibilities. How time flies?… why time flies?  I’d love to think that I could place a hold freeze on who you are at this very moment….the funny giggles, the small tantrums, the hormones just beginning to debut, the fondness for salty, sour and sweet but I know that would be selfish and you are meant to continue growing, adventuring in to the young girl and then eventually a fine young woman. Remember, each little step you take along the way is helping you enhance your character that will help you embrace adulthood. Am I not the luckiest to be able to witness it, to learn from you and to be there holding your hand along the way?

As parent I may fall in to a trap of just wishing all the happiness in the world, always. But sweetheart, this life is so much more than just happiness. Never settle for happiness alone, see the larger world beyond your immediate vision: a world wracked with pain yet full of beauty! Observe the world waiting for you to live life to the  fullest, chase adventure and look for new horizons. Ilvikaa, the happiness that I wish for you may flicker like a candle on birthday cake and although your happiness has ranged in the last 11 years from a bowl of Maggi to a Nintendo; I haven’t given you everything that would make you happy because I wish better for you. I wish youthful energy and whimsical imagination that you find building Legos. I wish you purpose and grace that you exhibit in the respect and love you show towards others. I wish quest for knowledge and a world of possibilities that you find in books! I wish that those beautiful, deep black eyes that I first noticed 11 years ago stay wide open to a future that is full of hope.

This birthday I wish for you, deep friendships, loving relationships and a strong community, that you build! When you donated the luscious locks of your hair for Cancer Foundation last year, my heart swelled in joy for I had done something right as a parent to bring up a child who valued life with generosity and responsibility. So proud!

Keeping up with tradition, I have some thoughts on this year and some advice as you enter your 12th :

Smile. Always. Your heart and your laughter will set your path. Laugh till you get knots in your belly! You will comfort friends who are having a tough time, you will remind yourself that you are in charge of picking up and starting over and you have the ability to make anybody’s day.

Stay in your lane. Do not try to control everything, your biggest comparison is YOU. If you want to improve, be better than you were yesterday, not better than your neighbor, your friend or your teammate.  It may be tough to understand now but you when you practice this, you will realize its importance.

Lose with learning. When you lose….in a game, on a test, in a friendship, you are given the opportunity to learn and grow. 

Keep that sense of humor. You have a quirky lil whip of wit, keep that! 

Value family. I know it isn’t always easy….it weighs on you at times, but this is what will stay with you forever! 

Stay Kind. You will never regret being kind. You have a beautiful heart, continue to share it.

Practice forgiveness with self respect. 

Ask questions. Don’t be satisfied with easy answers. 

Acquire Knowledge. But seek wisdom.

Be Grateful. I trust this doesn’t need an explanation.

Let me be honest, it feels like we vacillate between ‘friends’ and ‘mom/daughter’ connection right now…and I have to admit that I love it… but we are heading in to tricky territory in the next few years and my role isn’t to be your goody-friend but a confidante, to help you guide  though those decisions you would like to make. I am happy not being the ‘most popular mom in the neighborhood’, but rather, to keep you safe, and know in my heart that I am doing the best for you…and Sweet Girl, those decisions won’t always be the ‘popular’ ones and they won’t always be what ‘everyone else is doing’. Here’s something very important: Although Love is abundant but loving is hard and I am going to keep loving you very, very hard. NO matter what! 

Have a beautiful birthday, daughter.

April 02nd, 2022

Live Oak, Texas, USA

07:01 AM

 

10! A decade. Double digits. 

Like every year, when I thought of writing this open letter to you, I wondered if you realize where the time went!

It feels like yesterday when I think of my drives to the doctor, the news of your arrival with a date on paper, so many plans, ideas, things that I would buy to build the warmest nest for us and lengths and breadths I would go to bring the choicest and best to you! Phew! A habit of motherhood that started from expecting you to when I don’t know anything else except, how to be a parent. I err, I miss, I falter but at the end of the day, I realize that you are the reason for my being. The day you were born forever changed my life. It took me a while to fully understand what happened around me. It was the biggest, most life altering event I had ever experienced, and I am a fan of change! Just look at us, how lucky to have experienced together - something so great, something so great that I never even knew I wanted. You have taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible. You taught me patience, selflessness, and unconditional love. Loving you has shown me what it means to be loved unconditionally.

Most people would argue that the measure of any being and his or her importance is in the imprint they have on the world and on those around them, I agree wholeheartedly. And when I look back and reflect on your last decade with us on Earth, I see you continue to bring immense joy, love, and care into the hearts and minds of the people who are most dear to you -your grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends, teachers, your papa and me. These are people who have kept you close at heart when you were growing and I love to see you reciprocate in respect and adoration. Your kindness, generosity, patience, willingness to love and to forgive, your powerful brain, uproarious sense of humor, sharp and quick wit, and your overall awesomeness is an example I myself try to live up to every day.

What a year, that went by! Pandemic and lockdown. Our plans shattered, your 9th birthday celebrated in lockdown, distanced from your friends, travel plans shelved off - it was a year of learnings, life-changing gleanings. I have watched you change and grow this past year, from a strong little girl, into an even stronger middle-sized girl and I started to see the teenager and woman you are becoming. You have a far more developed sense of right and wrong than I had at your age. I won’t give you a list of Dos and Donts this year, like the 6th, 7th, 8th or the 9th years. I want you to make your own faults and learn on your own.

You turn 10. Ten years old. The sound of that makes my heart flip in my chest with surprise, my eyes well up in emotion and my mind brims full of plans for you, and just looking at you takes my breath away, all at the same time. Where has the time gone? Why did they always say that time would fly by? Why were they right? When did that happen? Could I be any more proud of the young woman that you are becoming? I wish I could be at the age of 10 that you already are, in so many ways.

Here on your 10th birthday are 10 things I love about you!

Your Love.

Your fierce love, your fondness - whether it is friends or family you love quickly. I LOVE this about you. You could give away the best you have for the one you love.

Your Sensitive Heart.

Quite like your love, your vanilla heart melts. It may often seem like a curse but hold on to it and do not let it harden. Very often, the world may not seem fair and I know that things don’t make sense but hang on, things will work out.

You are Understanding

We could not be more blessed. How awesome is it that every time there is a change, you embrace it. I know when times were tough on you just wanted things to go back to the way they were but you have handled our moves with more grace than that I have on some days. When I think of the role model I would want them to have YOU are it. 

Your Belief.

“Work hard. Dream big.” This has become your motto and I LOVE it. When you decide you want something, you work for it.  Continue to be a hard worker. A 6 hour LEGO session, a 90 minutes math Olympiad, a Coding marathon - I am so proud, that you have aced them all.

Your Wit!

The dictionary defines witty as marked by or full of clever humor or wit. And aren’t you that lil brat! You are clever. The humor with it is a precious combination. Sometimes it really gets tongue-in-cheek because of this “witty-ness” but more often than not I end up laughing.

You are a GREAT friend.

Ilvikaa is loved by all friends. The continuously ringing phone and a zillion online playdates clearly manifest your popularity! I love your loyalty and understanding, I love it about you.

You are Strong-Willed

You are stubborn, my word, you are stubborn, and right now this stubbornness drives me crazy. But, I love that you are a headstrong girl and you will grow into one person who uses this for your own good. Do not allow stubbornness to cloud your mind. Use it to make changes in the world and to always stand up for what is right and good. 

You can reject Likability

I am so glad that at this very age, you are fine with accepting. And likable means you have to mold and shape what you do and say based on what you imagine the other person wants to hear, it comes from your strong head. It takes a lot of confidence, kudos!

You Question

This brilliant quality will help you blossom into a responsible adult. Keep at it.

You are Beautiful!

I know you won’t ever accept this, but I know for sure that you are beautiful. You aren’t fond of ribbons, bows, skirts, pearls, and flowers like most girls of your age but you have the most beautiful eyes - large, black, shiny! Your hair, the less said is better about those locks. More importantly, you are just as beautiful on the inside as you are out

With all the things I love about you there are times when you drive me absolutely crazy (time management, room tidiness, listening/lack of listening!) but you are one of the most amazing children I know and I love you more and more every day, and could not feel prouder of you. It’s brilliant that your reading has come on in such leaps and bounds, I love watching you get lost in a good book – there’s nothing more satisfying as a book worm than discovering a fellow book worm to talk about books to. The ‘Reading Sharks’ prize was only a tiny testament to your amazing habit.

I have realized that as you get older our hugs have become more important, if less frequent. They are more important to me as I don’t know how much longer I’ll have them for. They are more important for you as you hug me when you need or want comfort, reassurance, love, and security, rather than the constant hugs of a younger you. I never knew what it would be like to be a mother, growing up I always knew that a time would come when it will all change overnight and I will be so thankful for something I never even knew, I needed. I love that we talk and talk about more and more important things. We talk about how things may change soon, as you go through pre-teens. We talk about your hopes, dreams, and goals for the future, along with what you think you might like to do when you’re older. Keep being you, keep being courageous and strong. Know that you have NO limits, the world is your oyster and you can do and be whoever and whatever you want, as well as living wherever you want. There is ALWAYS a way.

I love you so much my crazy, funny, clever, strong, brave, beautiful baby.

Love,

Mom & Papa

San Francisco Bay Area, California

April 2nd, 2021

God, Gender and Privilege

 Amidst all the social media posts of babies dressed up as Krishnas, bhajans, and musicals hosted over Zoom Calls and the pictures of plated delights; what we celebrated was the birthday of Lord Krishna who is believed to be born in the year 3228BC. One of the most popular gods and practically revered in every form and shape - this incarnation of Vishnu has been the favorite of young and old.

As per mythology, this incarnation was born to Devki in a prison and pretty painstakingly transported overnight to the nearest village, braving storms and floods. Well, this popular story is backed up by the importance of the work that he had to do undertake in his lifetime; eradicate evil, restore Dharma, and eventually act as a divine, force in his life as a god. Starting from when he killed all his assailants in infancy and eventually his own uncle (Kansa) in his teenage years, Krishna and his legend have been synonymous with his larger than life pranks, his metaphorical love affairs, and the advice that he gave Arjuna - eventually the whole humanity on the impermanence of matter and inner liberation, in his adulthood.

Well, a life that started as a survivor, lived on as a poor herder eventually woven into metaphysical, poetic, and allusive fantasy was a privilege! A privilege that was bestowed upon him by Yogmaya, the girl who was born on the same night as him. She never saw the light of the day for she was swapped for Devki’s son. She is almost brutally killed and smashed into a stone slab when she slips out of the perpetrator’s hand and vanishes in thin air; hence the name Maya - an illusion! Technically, she died.

She is the Lord’s divine power by which the creation of Krishna was enabled. The same mythology that glorifies Krishna and his mystical birth, fails to commemorate her as the protector, who gives her life for the eventual alleviation of mortal beings. Every year, for years we have conveniently forgotten Yogmaya because we were conditioned to accept that Krishna had more access to power and life. I feel this is one of the earliest manifestations of privilege and power that men have had over women. Also, that her story was less important since being a woman she might have attributed her pitfalls to her existence as a female, than the environment in which she could have existed.

From my earliest memories of Jamashtami, I remember asking my mother about what happened to the little girl who was born too, on that day? My questions were met with very cryptic explanations on her valorous birth and heroic sacrifice so that Krishna could live. But, in all the pomp and enthusiasm, we never remember Yogmaya! Do we, ever?

But, I changed something as we came together for the much-anticipated puja for Krishna, this year. As my 9year old comes of age, and she learns about our observances and festivals - I enlightened her on both sides of the story. As a woman - moreover, as a mother, I felt compelled to foster an awareness that even if she feels that male points of view and existence are the predominant focus - women are equally important and at times even catalytic in a gamut of things. They should never hold themselves in lesser regard or blame other women for their own oppression.

Remembering Yogmaya has made me realize this Janmashtami that much of the privilege and power that the strong sex enjoys in our culture today is unearned. It is either by way of birth or their mere existence! It will take a thorough education for them to understand privilege fully however women are very aware of it based on lived experiences or for Yogmaya, by death.
August 12, 20201130PMSan Francisco Bay Area