9, your last single digit year…

Another year around the sun! Big Girl, you are 9. Your last single digit year… I wouldn’t start this letter by saying that I don’t know where did the last 3285 days went by, cliche! But what’s not cliched is my memory of you laughing in to this world. What an expectant morning it was … bright, warm and full of sunshine. A day that is hard to forget for very many reasons! It was the proudest day of my life. Many say that those expectant moments are blissful, emotional and overwhelming but while I braved the pains, only few things that kept whirring in my head were about your health and well-being. See, even before you came into this world I wanted to protect you. It wasn’t just you that arrived at 1140AM on April 2nd, 2011 - it was hope. A sea of joy that overflowed our hearts and ebbed through our eyes. Your first visitors were some of the most amazing people that destiny brought to us and we are glad that we continue our association with them! I have thanked each day of my life since then. That twinkly eyed, chubby faced, curly haired squishy Ilvikaa has given way to a leaner, taller and agile young kid. I used to enjoy your wobbly first steps, gummy-mouthed grins, and sparkling eyes - I wish that sparkle never fades. All of 3 teeth lost and 4 gained, I love that face of you that gives me a semblance of a beautiful young woman that you will become. Watching you change before my eyes, I’ll be honest, it’s a bit terrifying. With this ninth, you have entered a phase of childhood that is just “in between.” Neither a tween or nor a teen, and definitely not a little kid anymore either. You can hum English Pop, but you still remember your nursery rhymes. You often read chapter books, but you still want to snuggle with me before bed to read grandma tales. I hate the fact that this sweet time is fading fast, and as much as I want to hold it, it will slip away like sand. I’m also aware that before I realize it, you’ll no longer want those nightly snuggles. So instead of pushing them off or telling you I don’t have time, I crawl into bed with you and make sure you get your cheeti as much as you want. When you will be teenager and be embarassed to be kissed and hugged by your mom in public, I will use these mental pictures from my memories! I love how you are growing and learning and becoming a person that you want to become in years to come. Headstrong, forgiving and loving without limits. I want your generosity and courage. I can’t wait to experience the Nine with you! When I look around me, I see so many children growing up and going away for higher studies. It just breaks my heart to think that a day would come when I will have to let you go; for your betterment and so much to learn from experiences and places that you will see. But I want to cherish each day between this letter and that day. I know that you love food and new places. Wait and watch, it is just the beginning - the world is calling out to you… . Trust me, when I say that I blinked and you flew from my arms to the soccer field. Bright, bold, courageous, athletic, funny, kind, goofy, empathetic and an ardent LEGO lover! All that is you… You get your math talent from your papa but that talent in art and those smart retorts are definitely mine. I was so ecstatic when you won that School District artist award. The LEGO love is definitely yours, though! Those crazy star-jumps and sit ups on trampoline are also yours. Where do you get all that energy, from? In addition to all this, what is entirely yours is your heart, full of love, innocence and goodness. And I am so happy for that, lucky too. What a great 3rd grade this has been, crazy mental math and 1800 books under your belt is just the smidge of great times that await you. I am proud of you and I think I have told this to you often enough. This year was full of schedules, learnings and activities. All this because, you want to try everything, nearly everything. Soccer, LEGO robotics, gymnastics, book club and Roblox… What a busy year! I am a true believer in free-play but it seems you don’t appreciate that - my childhood was boring at times; and you hate to be bored! Exhausting. When I write this to you, we are under shelter-in-place order. All because of a deadly virus that has posed a threat to mankind, right now. All our plans for your birthday party look stalled. We are not even allowed to meet your friends and enjoy cake with good times! Thanks for your understanding on the matter and it’s grievous nature. I don’t think I was this mature and sensitive at 9 years old! How you agreed to cancelling the celebrations and your trip to LEGO land is astounding. I am so proud of your “little lady’s agreement” … yeah I just coined that. As a young parent, I always feel if I am doing enough or doing it right… I get too self-critical and imposing. I am sure you will realize this when you become one. I just want to tell you that even if you want to break away from my views and choose things that would take precedence over my priorities, I will be here to listen. I will admit when I am wrong and apologize. You owe us nothing! I have some more silver strands than I did last year and with that came some learnings that I thought I must share with you: *Appreciate small things in life. It is nurturing and sustainable. List them out, focus and enjoy! In times such as these, we are learning everyday how we can survive on bare minimum and they are usually the smallest of things. *Always protect yourself. It takes discipline. The time we are in call for sensitivity and regulation. Lives and emotions are to be protected today and forever. *Manage your time. Woah! This year has taught us so much about handling this precious commodity. *Be grateful. Never forget about the less fortunate ones. Your family, your home, your school, your teachers and talents.. they are all gifts. I am confident that you will continue to use your loving heart to guide you to help others in ways that you can. *Lose gracefully. It won’t be easy but life is like that. Celebrate what you learnt, trust me you will appreciate it more than winning. *Stay honest. Toughest of all! I know that your heart and mind will guide you in to make right decisions. *Live your dreams. As an adult, I can vouch for this. We got too busy living our fears but you should never stop focusing on your goals. Never limit your beliefs. Rest will follow. *Fear none. Know your fear, knowledge will lead you. Accept it, use your mind to tackle it - imagine the worst and you will be just fine! Know that we are with you. *Care. Look out, there may be so many who need you. Stick up for them when you know you are right, you will be proud of yourself. Hey Not-so-lil-one, I am a better friend, a better mother, daughter and a better person for having had you with me for the last 9 years. Happy Birthday, G. Love, Mom and Papa Pradeep Narayan 02 April, 2020 San Francisco California