This pain is not mine but it bothers me!

The events of the last couple of weeks have shaken me and everyone that I speak to. I live in a country where a victim is not defined by injuries, agony, and state of finding but religion, social class and baggage that claimed death. All references in the last few days have blamed ruling parties, asked for fast-track justice and time and again reminded me of pain and threat that I as a parent of a seven-year-old girl child survives with… Her battered body is recovered from a forest in January, and we host candle marches and forward WhatsApp messages in April – what about the numerous rapes in the last four months, is our state of oblivion acceptable to the numerous heinous crimes in the last three months? Why does this crime committed by eight animals in human garb make it to national news networks only in mid-April? Why was this piece of news not part of reporting violence from the valley? Were her pain and loss any less than Jyoti Singh? Was 16-year-old victim from Unnao, Uttar Pradesh any less of a daughter? Or for that matter, was the new-born girl child, cut out for a nameless death even before she suckled on life? – She was flushed down the toilet in a matter of hours after birth in Kerala. Why does all of this evoke delayed outrage and anger? Why are the marches milder than 2012? Why is our memory so short-lived? Well, the answer of to all of the above is that none of it was personal – personal to you and me, us, the office goers, the rooftop-watchers, the weekend movie-bingers, the drawing room confrontational pseudo-intellectuals… none of us! But it happened among us… and we have in a way accepted the way it has encountered us. We as Indians have failed our country-women. We could be brave-heart, fearless and among many things DEVIS, but the ones who aren’t aborted and killed after birth face discrimination, prejudice, violence, neglect, and disrespect. The life is everyday misery! We could be icons of our times with all the medals in sports and essential positions in politics and corporates, but we are also a country of an appallingly skewed sex ratio. We are a country where more women die because of dowry disputes, “injuries” – seldom cases of rape and domestic violence, in comparison to deaths during childbirth. The protests and marches hold out only hope but not a silver lining – every 21 minutes, an Indian woman is raped! It wasn’t my turn this time, it wasn’t you the last time, but we are vulnerable, unprotected and susceptible to the not so free ideals of our democratic society. The gruesome fact of the matter is the 16-year-old victim will try again to commit suicide, Asifa’s parents will never be able to rise from the grief that has left them paralyzed emotionally, Jyoti will never become a doctor and crime will be adjudged on religious grounds... When the outrage won't wax and wane in cruel casteism and social hierarchy. When Indian media sees a meaty story angle, and it is not tired of reporting violence, rapes, lynching, and torture all the time … we will feel that it is a story of “someone just like me.” We will act collectively when horrific graphic details of Asifa’s torture stirs up our conscience, and when our loyalties won’t adhere to our religion, group, region, etc.… We will veer from silence and sporadic indignation to hysteria! For me all of this manifests centuries of neglect, a life-long one! Deeply entrenched patriarchy, a social preference for sons over daughters, and a threat to the entire gender in a developing nation… Our politicians, leaders, are only being disingenuous when they speak publicly on strict laws and a fast-track prosecution! And all of this does not affect you and me on a personal level because we are fighting our daily battles. So, unless it hits you where it makes a difference or becomes a personal tragedy – we will still be perplexed yet inactive by the situations, keeping mum, discussing the trauma, at the least, and working on mundanes. #metoo movement will die a slow death because after all, we have to get back to our myopic lives! #justiceforasifa #acchedin #kathuaunnao #nirbhaya #rapesinindia #rapeculture #india 8:30PM, April 16, 2018 New Delhi

Extraordinary Eighth!

Eight and great!

Every day spent with you just flashes in front of my eyes as I look at you today. Your short bob hair at 5, your front bangs at 6 and silky long hair that you choose to wear open these days…. they too have been part of these lovely 8 years. Second grade, soccer, math, coding and the song Sucker by Jonas Brothers; these are your favorites, Woah! You have been an epitome of adaptability and exuberance in the last few months and I am so glad about that! Just living your name right… I still remember the morning when you were born, balmy spring morning with flowers in full bloom, I counted my contractions in excitement, and with every pant, I knew a beautiful surprise awaits me! 9 months, 12 hours later there you were, all of 3 kgs, head full of black silky hair and eyes that knew the world. I asked the doctor, ‘is that it?’ and she laughed with tongue in cheek. I am so glad that you made things super easy that I was able to soak in every detail of your first few minutes with a warm heart and a clear mind. My heart leaped with joy at your cuteness and Prad has torn apart between us – he didn’t know whether to hold me or you! Haha… we still give him a hard time, doing that … don’t we? What fun! 

Ilvikaa, I feel a tinge of sadness because I will miss you as a baby. I see the baby-you slip away by the day, in our conversations; well, it’s a reminder that change is the only constant and our life is for living and loving more each day. I love that you are goofy and smart, all at the same time on some days but you are equally naughty and erratic when you please... You are no longer a kid who can be taught things – you have grown and how strong-headed at that! I like that you have always inspired me to reflect on valuable life lessons including the ones that I missed while raising you. I wonder if your grandmother to misses me, at all of eight! I know that I can be really scary and rude when I ask you to do things, for eg. sleep quickly every night, but I must share with you that I enjoy every reading session before you fall asleep and I plant a gazillion kisses after you have landed in dreamland. Similarly, I adore you when you are being obedient and careful with your actions. 

You are growing so quickly and I can’t miss out on that, I remember how I wanted to stay awake when you were a newborn – watching you grow every minute. Sigh! These may be a lot of words for you today and hold not much significance, but I promise, with your love for reading, maturing - few years down the line, you will appreciate this letter when you read it at different times throughout your life. You will realize why was I so stern and such a disciplinarian when you turn into an adult and start dealing with life. Although, sometimes I doubt myself if I am doing a good job enough being your mom and I don’t feel as deserving of you. How did I end up with a lookie-like-sidekick like you? How do I answer some of your questions? How do I match your energy? How do I justify my preference over yours? Well, I just sum it all up and agree that you are extraordinary, and any other adjective won’t suit you much. It’s amazing how you love me despite my slip-ups, you quickly forgive; this is a testament of how easily you can love. You bring me joy, your existence improves me as a person, your love defines me and that’s pretty much it. Thank you! 

As you enter that naughty 9, here are some quick reminders for you: 
*We will always be there for you: We’ve always stressed that you are our favorite in the world and it is our job to take care of you, nothing can change that. Papa and I will always be there to support your dreams and pick you up when you need us. Having said that, I want you to act responsibly and stay ready to face consequences whenever the need arises. We will guide you through the journey but every decision that you take will be yours alone. 
*Work hard and play harder: It won’t always be easy; you will always want to play more than you work; the temptation is killing. But, value learning, expanding your mind, and focusing on it. Trust me you will hold playing in greater stead when you have worked harder. Sorry, but the world thrives on it. 
*Stand up for yourself: Use eye-contact, maintain a direct tone and never feel threatened. It is perfectly normal to stand up for yourself and let nothing change that. Take that leap with confidence, it is part of building your personality. You may also have to stand for things that don’t seem right, do so well, and trust your gut. It’s hardly wrong. 
*Make promises only when you can keep them: Never hurt someone’s feelings, never share secrets that they’ve shared with you, and do not promise if you think it’s tough to keep at it. Swaying towards actions and words is easy and at times they won’t make much sense – take a note and use your judgment wisely. Trust me, we all have learnt it hard way… 
*Go out there and make mistakes: Many many mistakes are just OK. Don’t stop being you and don’t stop learning from your mistakes. Never forget your worth, take pride in yourself and keep your head high and always rise from a fall. 
*Don’t try to solve all puzzles: It may get very daunting at times when you will feel exhausted, solving everything around you, give them time; they will die out or time will help. Not everything and everyone deserves that same attention and affection. Choose wisely. 
*Stay kind: You may feel empathy like a burden on some days, hold on, never let that go – it is your gift for others. Remember that you are magnificent in your own way and others will have to learn to appreciate that. No matter what happens in your life, do not lose it. 
*Forgive but never forget: It will keep your zest alive. There will be trying times when those expectations will be stomped on and your love will feel crushed – don’t let it stop you. 
*Being weird is good: It is a side-effect of being awesome. The world will get used to you. Stay put. I am proud of you and will always be because I know that I am raising a generous, play-loving girl and guiding her to become an independent adult who values equality. 

In the last 2922 days that I have known you, I may not have a perfect memory of each day but I have not known another person with a tighter hug, a kinder heart, a sharper wit, classic humor, and a booming passion; all of it like yours! Stay the enigmatic soul, you are… 

Love & blessings, 

Mom and Papa Pradeep Narayan 

April 1st, 23:59PST, 

Bay Area, California

A 7th Birthday Wish!

I can’t keep calm tonight, wasn’t this the night I squirmed? And we waited for you with bated breath… Woah you are Seven! Weren’t you just born? There is no one quite like you now and never will be. You have everything inside of you that will get you to wherever you want to go and be whatever you want to be. When I write this today to you as a permanent reminder of how beautiful you are, I wish to tell you that no matter what happens, you will always shine like Sun, Ilvikaa! I am not saying this because I am your mom, but because I have seen you enrich our lives and I foresee how you will go on to enrich the lives of others you are yet to meet. Lost all of 5 teeth, gained 4 of the strong and bright, in addition to all the awesome things you accomplished in your last year have brought me more joy than anything I could have ever imagined. When I look into your eyes, I see hope for us, your large heart so full of love and generosity makes me want to build a type of world we should all live in. Sigh! Hasn’t your love for LEGO grown stronger, I have seen you develop those UNO skills, playing those magnet games and looking for far-away lands and possibilities on a globe. It was a remarkable year for you, look at those passport stamps you have – wow! Aren’t you the most traveled family member yet … I didn't even have a passport, let alone stamps on them when I was 7. I barely got through my philatelic collection. But you my girl, you have flights to take, journeys to unravel and lots of people to meet! On this day I wish you that you never change … *As you grow, you will be asked to change the ways you think, and you get around the works, change if you want to… Know that I am here for you no matter what, even when you need love and support as you grow into your unique person. Don’t change, just evolve into all that you are destined to become. It will be enough, my child. *Enjoy being a child, even if there are times you wish you were a grown up. Believe me; there are so many grownups who want a second chance at childhood. Your parents, for example! *Don’t ever fear the right or wrong – they will eventually even out. This is a unique time for new experiences, learning new things, and just have fun and goof around. Never forget the fun part. It is the stuff that great memories are made of, and will get you through any difficult times later in life. Remember that you are a beacon of light, a beacon of hope and let those deep colors of light spread far and wide. On this birthday, I wish you go to wherever the breath of life shines, spread the light and illuminate the whole world because it belongs to you. Love and Prayers, Manogyata Narayan & Pradeep Narayan 00:59AM, 02-April-2018 NEW DELHI