Super 11!

Super 11!

Remember, when you and I shared a heartbeat? Well, I’d love to tell you that I feel as though I’ve let that go, but I haven’t and I’m not sure I ever will. I clearly remember that I used to sit up at night feeling you move, imagining what my child be like. If I had written a letter to the universe with a list of what I wanted in my daughter, I assure that I have been granted every ask, every prayer! And… here comes that day when I cannot keep calm, every year these open letters are becoming harder to write. I wonder how will I write to you when you turn 18  and preparing for the first year of your college! (I choke as typed that..) Cannot fathom a time when I will be an empty nester and you will be out there on your own exploring a whole new world! 

I mean….I can still picture you that spring morning to the very minute you were born, as well as the joy I experienced for both of us. Since then, the advent of spring year on year hasn’t been any less special. Can you believe that 11 years ago I held you in my arms for the first time and looked deeply into your big, beautiful brown eyes. And today, officially a “tween” on this birthday, in between childhood and teenage years, I look into those same eyes and see love, that has only grown since the day I first saw you. As a mother it is tough for me to capture the myriad of feelings I have as you turn another year older. On one hand, I reminisce about early years and mourn growing up as we all do, trust me - its no fun! On the other hand, I am so thankful for exactly where you are and so hopeful for who you will become.

For me there are mental pictures of that round lil nose, the sweet toothless grin and the curly soft hair and how they are replaced by shiny curious looks, mature and moody smiles and straight black shiny hair!  Your funny faces and eye-crossing is uniquely yours, but I can see the teenager simmering beneath the surface. Your goofy ways often gives way to a young girl. The final days of elementary school are giving way to a middle schooler and new possibilities. How time flies?… why time flies?  I’d love to think that I could place a hold freeze on who you are at this very moment….the funny giggles, the small tantrums, the hormones just beginning to debut, the fondness for salty, sour and sweet but I know that would be selfish and you are meant to continue growing, adventuring in to the young girl and then eventually a fine young woman. Remember, each little step you take along the way is helping you enhance your character that will help you embrace adulthood. Am I not the luckiest to be able to witness it, to learn from you and to be there holding your hand along the way?

As parent I may fall in to a trap of just wishing all the happiness in the world, always. But sweetheart, this life is so much more than just happiness. Never settle for happiness alone, see the larger world beyond your immediate vision: a world wracked with pain yet full of beauty! Observe the world waiting for you to live life to the  fullest, chase adventure and look for new horizons. Ilvikaa, the happiness that I wish for you may flicker like a candle on birthday cake and although your happiness has ranged in the last 11 years from a bowl of Maggi to a Nintendo; I haven’t given you everything that would make you happy because I wish better for you. I wish youthful energy and whimsical imagination that you find building Legos. I wish you purpose and grace that you exhibit in the respect and love you show towards others. I wish quest for knowledge and a world of possibilities that you find in books! I wish that those beautiful, deep black eyes that I first noticed 11 years ago stay wide open to a future that is full of hope.

This birthday I wish for you, deep friendships, loving relationships and a strong community, that you build! When you donated the luscious locks of your hair for Cancer Foundation last year, my heart swelled in joy for I had done something right as a parent to bring up a child who valued life with generosity and responsibility. So proud!

Keeping up with tradition, I have some thoughts on this year and some advice as you enter your 12th :

Smile. Always. Your heart and your laughter will set your path. Laugh till you get knots in your belly! You will comfort friends who are having a tough time, you will remind yourself that you are in charge of picking up and starting over and you have the ability to make anybody’s day.

Stay in your lane. Do not try to control everything, your biggest comparison is YOU. If you want to improve, be better than you were yesterday, not better than your neighbor, your friend or your teammate.  It may be tough to understand now but you when you practice this, you will realize its importance.

Lose with learning. When you lose….in a game, on a test, in a friendship, you are given the opportunity to learn and grow. 

Keep that sense of humor. You have a quirky lil whip of wit, keep that! 

Value family. I know it isn’t always easy….it weighs on you at times, but this is what will stay with you forever! 

Stay Kind. You will never regret being kind. You have a beautiful heart, continue to share it.

Practice forgiveness with self respect. 

Ask questions. Don’t be satisfied with easy answers. 

Acquire Knowledge. But seek wisdom.

Be Grateful. I trust this doesn’t need an explanation.

Let me be honest, it feels like we vacillate between ‘friends’ and ‘mom/daughter’ connection right now…and I have to admit that I love it… but we are heading in to tricky territory in the next few years and my role isn’t to be your goody-friend but a confidante, to help you guide  though those decisions you would like to make. I am happy not being the ‘most popular mom in the neighborhood’, but rather, to keep you safe, and know in my heart that I am doing the best for you…and Sweet Girl, those decisions won’t always be the ‘popular’ ones and they won’t always be what ‘everyone else is doing’. Here’s something very important: Although Love is abundant but loving is hard and I am going to keep loving you very, very hard. NO matter what! 

Have a beautiful birthday, daughter.

April 02nd, 2022

Live Oak, Texas, USA

07:01 AM